hear me out #1: Socialising In Our Late 20s
Where did everyone go?
“hear me out” is a series where I write about thoughts and musings apart from books.
On many occasions I often sit in silence and wonder who’s left on my friend’s list I keep mentally. It seems like, everyone is here but not here, all at once. I turn to Google to find out if anyone else was on the same page as me. And as expected, it wasn’t just me. Welcome to one of the many phenomenons of the infamous Evolving Late 20s.
Even CNN Health covered it. Now, that’s some serious fact check!
This post isn’t written in complete sadness (ok, maybe just a teeny weeny bit). But perhaps, it’s coming from a more reflective POV. When you turn 21, everyone seemed to be “on the same page”. School was epic, cliques were real, friends just get you and even if they didn’t, there was always something to laugh about and hang out over anyways. Social events were on the roll, and somehow unimaginably, your body could actually keep up with it. (Tired at 11PM now anyone? lmao)
Priorities change, and so did our conversations. Our allocated 24 hours feel like 10 hours less now and we just cannot get enough regenerating time for ourselves — let alone juggling responsibilities, work, relationships, obligations.. Now, it’s hard to even arrange a date for coffee. Conversation topics skew, and sometimes you guiltily wish you were home instead. You then find yourself redefining the friendships around you, identifying the ones that feed you, and the ones that unintentionally drain you.
A few days ago, I woke up to a new social media ~virtual world~ platform flooding my Instagram page. Everyone looked cute and it seemed like I could build my own space. Bored as heck and a sucker for customisation, I downloaded BONDEE.
Create your avatar, then create a space where you would hibernate in, and where friends can visit and leave random greetings on your wall.
In this space, users can share personalised statuses, moods, hobbies, and daily life happenings like a diary entry anytime and anywhere from an interior created from scratch by you. This also applies to your friends and all users. Conversations can occur with its in-built instant messaging platform function using your avatar and also select a status, action, or animation to enliven these interactions.
- Lifestyle Asia
This got me thinking about the way socialisation has evolved, and the many different ways we as human beings are able to do the deed. Mostly superficial, of course. However, I’ve made some really awesome friends that I appreciate through Instagram. For one, Grace (who also writes on her Substack, btw). We eventually ended up meeting in Singapore, and then Tokyo!
There are so many applications out there right now to serve the intention of connecting and staying connected. Yet, loneliness is not yet extinct. (Of course, loneliness is subjective. And being alone does not equate to loneliness.) We are all connected but not truly connected. (I know! Why does life have to be so complicated?) However, defining the true meaning of connection/friendship differs from one person to the other, and at the end of the day it’s really up to us as individuals to decide what keeps our personal boat afloat.
You also realise there are different friends for different “purposes”, as compared to when you were young and did everything with just one girl-friend/homie. Eg. shopping buddy, heart to heart talking buddy, exercise buddy, etc. And to expect everything from one person at this age, is just too idealistic. Even in relationships.
But I guess what I’m saying is, the pressing fact that our friends are disappearing/moving in separate directions from us is more evident as we get older. It comes without warning, hitting you in a time where you’re either about to breakdown/celebrate about something, reaching out to your phone, and then realising you’re not really quite sure who to share the news with.
How many friends are on your go-to-dial for when you receive good/bad news?
So, the ones that have left on their own journey are just ones that we have to let go. After which, we put ourselves back out there, and continue our search for new ones. Discovering new or old ways of socialisation that feeds our well being just the way we want it. And hopefully wherever we might end up at, we would be able to find ourselves a community or simply a friend (or two) that regenerates us.
Here’s to going back to the drawing board and reintroducing ourselves! Starting with you, it was nice to have you here. Thanks for reading, I’m grateful for you!